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days through dead dark.

last weekends we played less pc games, for i too elated in purchase, including blank dvds, mouse&mouse pad, power sock to facilitate baby using pc or desk lamp without messy wires his mom usually ignores. moments with baby all bright, esp before i left him on Sunday 5pm, when i held him in arms&on laptop to watch TV. baby sometimes ate less dinner, &bargain for eating. i hope God not allow him suffer insufficient nutrition.
in the weekends i also saw local mafia members. the bus route me between QRRS dorms&Qiqihar railway station where baby’s mom’s house locates, namely No. 9 bus, usually jammed like a fish can. on Saturday dusk, just after i join the jammed bus, a young man stood against front door of the bus pushed me&let me here&there to stand, like there is a real rule aboard, but in fact its only message just to reveal his sovereign. them when bus passing some stops, 2 men just loudly quest the passengers if anyone leaving, if not then just passed the stops without porting. when i managed to approach the leaving door of the bus, a man stood against the door heavily profaning a girl, forcing her to browse on her mobile irritatedly. so long time rumor that QRRS&its area infected with mafia likely a fact.
the sermon in local church also less satisfying. the Priest said traveling to other city, a woman looks like his sister offered the preach, which likes other preaches by women i heard there, don’t research the bible but just ruling out persuades sometimes commonplace reinforced by excerption from bible. and its point or examples of God’s mercy quite trifle. in the night i dreamed of my Taiwan girl passionate&woke up to make water twice. also dreamed baby fell into a tunnel full of water, when we watched workers install pole of power line&electronic equipment. God let me avoid breakfast but joined office directly, where the sin, the monitor, profaned heavily, challenged me by closing office door persistently.
its a bright morning after 2 days snow, the 3rd in winter 2010. God, great bliss ahead let me fly in wonder. God, let my girls join me sooner, in our new families. i need family, as u know. let my business has its stance&boot up. save my works online. sanitize my girls in any situations. God, 

26/11/2010

sunny days after snow.^since yesterday i enjoy nice service from meebo.com, God saves. these 2 days sees more idle time online, also more time i enjoyed using the office in QRRS alone. in night buzzed baby’s mom, who complained a lot about my abusing bonus. I let her shut up&told her unlikely borrow her money any more in the future. in night reviewed how baby love his own mobile with 2 toy cellphones, felt deep sorrow for my ignorance upon his dewy likeness, &decided if financially allows i will buy him a baby mobile phone in coming months. chill in dorm woke me up early 5am last dawn, so i made some changes in room layout against chill near window. this morning i found likely an official spy in dorm peeking my room. God, save my works, bring my girls into my family ahead! 

15/11/2010

an auspicious day.^yesterday mostly pale, later in afternoon started 3rd snow in winter 2010. got official inform from cashier of the department to fetch bonus of ¥300. there i was even cordially told bonus directly into my bank deposit card is more than ¥1400, while most crew earns ¥2500 or so. so rich meanings in the bulk. the sky likely opener&brighter for me, for I see God’s promise that I’m the most informed&decisive versatile. tried meebo’s new service. read&tweet. baby’s mom also relieved by the good news of long time rumored bonus, while baby busy with animation online&refused to talk to me as usual. i really hope sooner i can treat him a dinner he likes. God, thx for ur gift in time. these days i more&more sensed closer my girl Zhou&our marriage ahead. i know ur arrangement is the best for the Royal of China, my family with my girls&sons. God, help my mother in hometown recover from her dying age, as dad allows. Its a bright morning, God, thx for all beauty in my life.

14/11/2010

a day in celebrating.^yesterday finally got family namespace with about.me, a site just roll out off its beta stage. then posted tweet daily. the company, QRRS, dispatched bonus among its staff, the sinful monitor in office avoid informing me, while a tricky female colleague let me know&persuade me to fetch my share on my own, but she is not from official channel, so i did like usual: just waited for formally informed. got a game delayed days from web, so aspiring. left office in time. baby’s mom told me my salary just arrived in my bank account, nearly a week passed after i received the salary sheet /invoice. on way left office, doubts of harms by the criminal minded demon in office let me anxious, esp. unease about if they steal my income from QRRS amid, now that i intended to be contacted only by QRRS official. God ceases it as i pray the Majesty not to let anyone on the earth can deteriorate my full responsibility&sight. the full moon especially bright. i know that’s all of my Empire of China in God’s shine. God, bring me what i deserve. shine ur Son&the Holy with seasonal gift. God, bring me my Royal of China sooner, my girls in our prime time. 
PS: bonus arrived. the clerk woman informed me. i got ¥300 cash&¥1400 or so in bank deposit card. with the bonus, i just remit hometown ¥1000 for my duty. bought badly needed teeth brushes&paste, and my favorite drink, tea. Its a pale morning, but God u see, how blessing it can be.

13/11/2010

a day sees light.^yesterday mostly busy with posting recent photo for 2nd snow of winter 2010. China surveillance blocked some time, myspace failed my logon strangely many times, but later accept me to post the blog. sins in office again attacked heavily, now that their failure overwhelming&doomed. at noon activated family google apps’ new services for small companies with their web domains. after dinner when i roamed outside QRRS Dorms, it turned clear why the monitor so furiously hated me: the sin losing its potency, &in horror of been found of the fact beyond his family! the dirty administrative of the dorms harnessed 4 and more camcorders in the corridor, one of its staff, the only provincial folk from Hubei, a Li, buzzed in at noon, inquiry about espionage software to filter cams’ video for non-attendant alarm. so lots of trifle thoughts harassed me when i roamed in night. but after rested in dorm, my joy gathered. buzzed hometown to express thanks, &my offers to support mother’s living there, with the rumored bonus. when i went to bed, it turns clearly a blessing day.

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days in clouds.

today there is sunshine but weak. i still frequently live penniless. with baby son, warrenzh, God of Universe, peace in my heart echoing God’s praise forever unshakable. the cloudy weather since the end of National Day vacation warns me of many threats against my emerging Empire of China, but that’s only a far cry from the crashing loser on the scary land now dominating&smothering the Chinese people. Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen from Japan, still caring my life, &even clearer she is reinforced by God who love the two subtly different nations thousand years lives apart while beats harmoniously pulse of life&faith. in a larger continent uncrowded&uncrossed, legend of proud&glory will continue to utter.
Ok, its a prompt post for baby’s recent photos in our unseductive National Day vacation. a Liu earns a Nobel peace prize. God sees the triumph of democracy unbreakable shines over Zhu’s, my honorable family since 2 dynasties in Chinese history.

10/10/2010

a day half cloudy.^in dawn dreamed of great view of Lordship, like carrying turtle which can drain the earth. arrived baby’s mom’s house early&bought them breakfast including bean curd juice. backup stuff before baby left to have Chinese Pinyin lesson. tried new games, till attracted by one. baby played a lot with his mom’s pupils there having their tutorials. lunch is rich, IE. toast beef with onion. lately i went to shower in pubic bathroom nearby. lingered awhile after returned, while baby watching animation online, his mom read novel online. anything can remind me my new marriage, that’s full at the moment. anything can cater to baby’s joy, that’s awaiting in coming new year. after dined in canteen, i joined local church, where i first time dozed for minutes. the sermon was warm&earnest, God, u see the distance between Heaven&my land now. tomorrow will be sunny, i assert.

9/10/2010

a day of my birthday, recharged.^reading all day while in heavy dirt from sins, ie. gays, in office. God let me gain from web like produce from field. its still foggy in morning, since last night, but turned weakly sunny in afternoon. i tried facebook new group feature as reported in my rss feeds, but unfortunately they were still unavailable for old groups. chatted awhile with hometown relatives in QQ, but not much fun. these days i frequently reckon support from Asoh Yukiko, my Crowned Queen of Japan, if the sum could solve my deficit now gathered to near ¥2000, and my wish list for new year, a Dell game notebook will cost ¥7000, &some other spending like hometown duty, ie. life support of my old mother, write back broadband bill for my work online in my last hometown vacation from April to June, 2010 , ¥1000, &finally clear debt to my Taiwanese friend who help register domains, ¥2000. i badly want to treat my baby son&his mom 3rd time with toasted mutton, in a nearby restaurant next to the local church. God, these days i live in penniless but survived so well, i enjoyed every bite so sweet! God, i thank u for the weightless life, pl let me do as i will in coming year end celebrations. bring my girl zhou, or anyone of my girls into my arms, Asoh, u know, bring my new life from dream into routine&concrete.

7/10/2010

a foggy morning.^today is the first work day after National Day vacation. the fog started since last morning. in dusk i spent more time roaming outside to avoid dirt in dorm. this vacation started with a breakfast i bought for baby&his mom when they still on bed while i went over by bus near their house, and end with a lengthy nap baby&me both took on bed after gaming, while his mom busy with sorting house. my financial situation still worsening, but God let me enjoy life so sweet&meaningful. God, bring me my new family.

benzrad’s comment on the day

irresistible of Christian one world.

world tolerance to Islam must toward a moment when shows the formidable of Christian. delay of proper response can call forth menace&threats that’s real. God, bring clear the failure of Islam undebatable.

伊斯兰文化中心:外人看不到的一面

在这次关于世贸遗址清真寺的争论中,美国的穆斯林中几乎没有人敢于公开质疑建寺的选址是否明智,正是上述这种现象的反映。
See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/bz9e 
Posted via email from benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉

1/10/2010

dreamed of our old house in my hometown, central China, rebuilt. my passed dad, God, taming a tiger. my second elder brother tamed another.

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holiday gifts for baby son entrusted.

today is so far a bright day, left over the darkness on yesterday. I’m to push this prompt blog entry to include recent tweets which mostly lengthy. looking upon the future, esp months ahead, i earnestly pray, God, let me have a new game notebook, a new udisk, and a new cellphone to replace my current one whose battery damaged heavily. i also want to treat baby in holiday with his favorite food in restaurant. God, u bring so many wonderful time in my life silent, the road for me on the earth never so clear ahead of me. God, the faith in me unshakable for light, for English, for holy&purity. God, bring my girls right time, allow us seeing the glory of u and the Son, allow us inherit the beauty&dignity from the most blessed, the Son’s. God, constantly shines me in Spirit on this planet.

20/9/2010

a day with bliss in the end.^started the day with new hope. read while attending d/l. dozed awhile in afternoon among challenges from facing sin. later found the dog shit let online movie playing while absent, just aiming to lag the Internet within office, like a mice in soup. God, i saw the glory from the falling sins around me. left office a quarter before over time, roamed outside after dinner, &met the girl with a large bag 3rd or 4th time on the lane of QRRS front door. its sunny in the morning, turned cloudy after noon, and stayed clear&weak while redden in dusk. join church after jog, enjoy elaboration on great faith in the preach. buzzed baby in dorm, he complained his mom put too many homework on him, i told him none on the earth or in the universe can cradle him or got him pinched, not even his mom. baby sheered off when i ready to infringe more on his mom. God, what i mean&ask for permits&executes in advance by ur love&mercy, God, dad, still i pledge on u to guaranty my baby’s forever light heart when he on the earth, the fragile planet. his mom no doubt has many darkness in her tiny heart&world of view, that meaningless for anyone in Holy Spirit, but as baby son still in need of care, improves his mom with due strength&merit. baby, u can do it, i know, we all know. dreamed in dawn of younger brother. join office around 6am.

19/9/2010

a big day.^yesterday important for the crisis of my financial life support. baby’s mom, emakingir, finally softened her anxious upon my poor finance&its uncertainty, &even treated us dining out after the day. its all time bright in sunny, baby enjoyed a new game whose protagonist is from his favorite cartoon, sponge bob. i also got badly needed dvd backup for my stuff. baby now joined 3 or more lessons, which drives him busy with trifles. i warned his mom the inefficiency of those lessons. lunch can be delicious, with hamburgers ema manually made, i also ate sweat grapes. its now a bright morning, a work day adjust for coming lunar Mid-Autumn Day vacation, which has 3 days free.

benzrad’s commment on the day

publication platform vs my publish. http://amplify.com/u/aqyn 
thx for the informativeness. i have both posterous&tumblr, but so far didn’t pay much attention to their difference. my blog mainly post my thoughts&life log, and usually post a collective of recent tweets in a week. i don’t care share nor community too much, but to let my voice out there, prophecy inscribed. hope the subtle different emphasis among platform referred above don’t hurt my publication, or reversed. 
Update: Should I Move my Blog to Tumblr? Apparently not. 
See this Amp at http://benzrad.amplify.com 
Posted from benzyrnill, set to fly, like dragon fly…鸠昱隆嘉 http://i.benzrad.us

17/9/2010

a day with perfect workout.^read all day while attending d/l. before 6pm i got all i admired&left office. enjoyed dinner in canteen where i absent for days, partially for too late, partially for empty wallet, in the past week. after dinner jogged outside, with my short pant its a bit cool, but i determined to train myself against chill. can’t help telling baby&his mom the good news of new bonus, which really solves. these days God accompanies me so many occasions, in dark time waiting for d/l finish, in shadow of violence threats, in flashing thoughts among reading to decide, and more and more. God, bring me my new marriage with my beloved, bring me my girls in our prime time. in night buzzed baby, my mother in hometown, my youngest elder sister, about the bonus with which God saves me from starvation&humiliation.
in dawn dreamed of the worn skin of my right heel completely in wholesome peeled off by me. got up to make water&glad with the dream. then dreamed of harmonious life with one of my girls. it’s a bright morning now.

16/9/2010

save arrives while attest endures.^yesterday’s sandstorm brought a peaceful sunny Thursday. dusts down like the effect of a drizzle in late Autumn. weak but bright sunshine likes milk&fragrance of lily. more elation of harvest of interesting pc games. got a holiday bonus of ¥200 from QRRS. God saves me from defame of penniless&starvation. but this month salary again suffers lose, stopped at ¥1095. God, i need a new game gear, Dell notebook studio 14, and a new udisk. i can wait, but my mind don’t change: i want to try more pc games. my girls, my beloved, pardon me for my engagement with e-entertainment alone. i want to keep up with full view of my Empire of China, but God sees i need new experience of independent navigation on landscape unclear, like video games, to reinforce my dream of rich, of plenty, after the America Dream. i had to atop the arena of sci-social foundation to be informed in Holy shine. baby, my Queens, i live with u every moment.
a blessing day.^today full of bliss. gained quite some games dreamed of. rested afternoon for resilient from yesterday’s intensive chore of maintaining legend pc baby made frequent usage. claimed more vanity url for family sites with x.co. the office pal tentatively talked about violence by local hooligans. left office before 5:30pm, join canteen at once. rest on garden bench, doubting surrounding gangsters. roamed outside&talked awhile with the previous chief director of the factory, now a company, when i enrolled by the enterprise back to 1991, the year i graduated from Nankai Univ. on way near my office, met a girl with a large bag. its our second running across. today is due my girl zhou, or my girl i met on train from my 2nd hometown journey, appears to me, and God shows it in my meeting up with the girl leaving QRRS. its a bright day can’t be more splendid. God, bring me into my new life in arms of my girls.
this morning again bright. baby’s mom buzzed for missing password for logon desktop. i join office in hopes. i know i m to gain more.

15/9/2010

wrote a prompt blog entry to include recent tweets.^yesterday closest encountered violence, which brought me a cold shake. treating baby son KFC costed almost all of my pocket money his mom restrained. ate grapes baby’s mom brought, quite sweat they r. teeth strangely automatically bleeding in night. dreamed a lot in dawn. posting/blogging quite smoothly this time. attending d/l while read. some minor sandstorm cast lots of sands on desktop&its keyboard. God, saves me from humiliation of begging dinner! lives me in peace&far from wanting!

From life as it extends
From life as it extends
for google&flick blocked within China mainlnad for years, here some copy hosted domestic.


touching warm late Autumn sunrise in QRRS dorms.


panorama of QRRS front open space.

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farewall to lavish summer


Its a raining day this morning, exactly as Chinese lunar calendar indicting, Chushu, 处暑, summer heat is over. i walked barely in rain with my work suite, ie. notebook&camera, to join office, for every work day is meaningful for me, cultivation, accumulation, and harvest. last afternoon it also rained amid sunshine, its in fact a sun rain, i told baby its the most blessing weather. we had a longest time in years playing pc games together and succeeded most missions while his mom napped in another room. then we dined out. here r the moment we gathered&dined. baby naught a lot in the dinner, with his favorite food Guobaorou, flour coated pork. his mom these day frequently complained enough of him. after dinner, the rain stopped, we walked back, and i departed them on the ground near baby’s mom’s house.
after returned to QRRS dorms where i lingered for my new marriage, i directly join local church from bus stop, listened a nice preach by the male Priest, who elaborates more on bible, comparing his female pal who only recited poems or quotation from bible. the preach again discussed strong believing as my favorite. after the believers left, i expressed obligation to the Priest, we both felt blessed. on the garden of the dorm, i buzzed baby&his mom, who more and more felt at a loss in our once broken marriage. i buzzed twice to encourage baby lives in patience to see the bright days, for only with bitter or tasteless, we enjoy more the elation and sweat of bliss when it pours in. quite some girls in the dorms haunted outside around me. i can’t say other but it all can’t be more accomplished.
in the night, i roamed in dorm, reviewing my good time and ahead. sometimes i can’t but sang loudly. i also drank a bit. God, u see how close the day of my wedding beset. my baby son badly need a new mother to cook him delicacy. i badly need a soul of girl accompanies&shares our love to u, the Mightiest. God, rid me of anxious, bring my girls to me, to my new Empire of China.
That’s my another happy weekends.

From farewell to lavish summer
From farewell to lavish summer
From farewell to lavish summer


for picasaweb&flickr blocked within China mainland, the shit&dog dominated sinful land, here some digest of photos hosted domestically.

benzrad, 朱子卓, in restaurant amid a sunrain, shot by warrenzh, 朱楚甲.

baby son posed for shot for an profile photo for his music class, after dined out.

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great bliss never seen.


its drizzling when i breakfast in QRRS dorms canteen&heading to office in this weekend. this dawn i had a wonderful dream. i first dreamed of matching in dark. people were put in dark&sex with matches reached in dark house. i trying to find my mate but didn’t excite. then dream raising a fish, namely likely Giant salamander, then in an exam to report on the fish. i always hate exam. after exam, i saw a younger fish accompany the fish we raise, the latter then has its gender. then i informed that the fish’s tail and meat above shouldn’t be eaten as a custom. woke up&reviewing baby’s asking not to be God sometimes those days, i was so blessed that baby son, warrenzh, God of Universe, exactly my son, my dearest son. the bliss so great that i got up at once. a drizzle already passed over just amid my dream, after i made water in dawn. the breakfast is plausible, includes a sweat pie. on way to office, it drizzled again, so many loves from Masheng, my Crowned Queen of Japan. 
yesterday i visited baby son in his mom, emakingir’s house. ema still in loss in her refusal loan of 400rmb to let me buy family 4th domain, benzrad.us ( http://benzrad.us ). i criticized her in our QQ chat. but my Taiwanese friend help me after rebuffed me once buy the domain exactly yesterday as i suggested in memory of Masheng, who long time urges me to own continents against future world disaster. ema buzzed me twice but both didn’t reach me in noisy situation. soon after i arrived there, i told i need her loan, which greatly relief her. she lost 1900rmb and more last weekend when she answered my call on way to River Nen with baby son. that money was offered by me to buy her a e-bike to carry baby son route his kindergarten, for ema complained baby grows that she hardly carry him with her old bike. its all time a bright Saturday, i also showered in public bathroom. baby enjoyed ice cream&candy i bought by the way. i backup stuff from web, tried new games on his notebook. baby glad to see the fresh game experience. near 3pm, i hold him slept on my shoulders. then held him on my arms, till later shifted to bed. his mom urged me to leave, so i returned to dorm, where i ate an early dinner. 
in reviewing the glory of my family, my heart often fulfilled with proud. God, the only missing is my beloved girls, esp the girl on the train when i returning to Qiqihar from my dad’s hometown, back to Jun 5,2010, and my girl Zhou, once appeared&hunted after by me till the company startled&stopped me. i know they praying for me, bring us together, God! 


6/8/2010


cloudy morning with periodical sunshines.^for no available helping hands for loan for my new domain, i decided trying alipay, a Chinese copy of paypal. waiting the process finished to let me pay overseas. this morning is cool, but periodical sunshine very bright&aspiring. sorted stuff, activated baby’s mom, emakingir’s 163 mobile email box, retouch her signatures. its the first day the company complies new national common exercise ordain. China steadily falls into trifle&loosing off&losing end. the old time collective exercise helps none but the dead in chamber, kills nothing but time&creativeness. See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/8e3x 


5/8/2010

hopeful a new domain join my titles soon.^read. talked to Taiwanese friend for loan to buy a new domain for my web id. sorted bookmarks to include it&backup. backup family google knol to zoho wiki. sorted stuff before dinner. in dorm prepared confidential for family new member site. its a pale morning. 2 friends rebuff my plan of buy the domain. i had to delay the registry. dozed awhile after lunch, dreamed of losing in exam, which i dislike very much.

4/8/2010

dreamed of new domain buy&restless reckons of debt.^read. refined autopost to posterous among family amplify accounts. got “starcraft Ⅱ” finally, amid praying God for pardon me lingering in office for games. played badminton with the couple whose wife worked in neighbor office after dinner. baby didn’t talk to me in daily buzz. dreamed of buy one or two domains for my web id, indecisive upon the cost, for my poor financial status hardly supports. join office earlier than 7am. a pale morning like yesterday but still i felt Masheng’s love. God, what’s the gap between our reuniting?

3/8/2010

warned of vilification from familiars.^last afternoon chatted with 2 young folks from Zhudajiu, my hometown. one serving in Chinese Navy. in night God notified me of stab from the back by folks seemingly intimates. dreamed a lot in dawn. sorted os after found its infectious. China surveillance blocked my os auto-update for quite some cases, till i adopt a lan proxy&done. office turns a hell at noon, for all crews stayed, just aim to espionage&challenge me. felt glad with a cleaner os. Masheng, save my work.

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cloudy morning with periodical sunshines.

cloudy morning with periodical sunshines.^for no available helping hands for loan for my new domain, i decided trying alipay, a Chinese copy of paypal. waiting the process finished to let me pay overseas. this morning is cool, but periodical sunshine very bright&aspiring. sorted stuff, activated baby’s mom, emakingir’s 163 mobile email box, retouch her signatures. its the first day the company complies new national common exercise ordain. China steadily falls into trifle&loosing off&losing end. the old time collective exercise helps none but the dead in chamber, kills nothing but time&creativeness.

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